Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I Challenge Tom Dienhart

Yeah, you read that correctly. I am laying down the gauntlet to former Sporting News blogger, turned Rivals.com somethingsomething. I've made no attempts to hide my disdain for Dienhart: mash it

So, now, I want to put the challenge out there, and hope it makes his way to him. Or, I could find his e-mail address at Rivals and just show him. Either way, this will be the most dramatic, awe-inspiring, fist-clenching face-off in the history of the world, maybe even the nation. Dienhart, I think I'm a better prognosticator of college football than you. I think I know more about what changes are truly important from season to season, and I think you, frankly, don't.

So, hopefully, my internet macho bravado has at least reeled you in thus far, Dienhart. What is this challenge, you ask? It's simple. We both predict the order of finish for every FBS (D-1A) conference for 2008. We can predict no ties. For every spot we're off for every team, we get a point. The lowest total wins. This is just like what Stassen does for college football magazines, except applied to our challenge.

It's obvious what's in it for me - a chance to massacre the one sportswriter who tilts me more than any other (of course, this does not apply to your character or anything - I bet you're an awesome dude). I get the chance to be the guy you'll tell your grandchildren about - "After my humiliation, my fingers shook every time they approached the keyboard. All because of Coffin! COFFFFFFFFINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

Oh, you're asking what you get out of it? Simple. First, you get a swell idea for a recurring blog entry every week at Rivals. We'll pump this up, see. I'll play the role of John Q. Public College Football Fan Who Loves the Game versus Tom Q. Dienhart College Football Writer Who Fans Think They Know More Than. College football fans will visit rivals.com weekly to see how the David versus Goliath battle is going. That's traffic, my friend. Not street traffic like the kind you should play in (ha, sorry), but site traffic. Site traffic = more moolah for Rivals, which means YOU GET A PAY RAISE EVEN IF YOU LOSE! Call Phil Fulmer to see how you should feel about that.

Second, it will be fun. I know I come off as a jackass in this entry, but I'm only trying to stir your emotions. I'm a gentle fellow, who loves football, Sudoku, grilled cheese sandwiches, and Pembroke Welsh Corgis. We will have a great time trading e-barbs and taunting each other weekly when you're surprise team (Iowa, hahaha) loses it's 7th game.

Lastly, you can shut up every person who has ever criticized you. Why do I say that? Because you'll beat the best. Errrr, the second best. SMQ didn't think of this idea, so you can't face the best. But you can face me, #2 in my own mind (how sad is that?). Hell, if you're as smart as you think, you'll crush me, my soul, and my future offspring. Wouldn't that make all your hard work worth it? No? Why not?

Dienhart, the line has been drawn. Will you cowboy up and cross it, or run to the hills like Steve Alford? We could even add some sort of PRIZE for the winner! Yeah, money or something. Or hookers. Or money for hookers. Whatever you like - Asian, reds, whatever. I bet you like the big booties. Anyway.

E-mail me at thepowerT@gmail.com if you want to communicate more on this. I'm dead serious. As Sun Tzu said, "The one who figures on victory at headquarters before even doing battle is the one who has the most strategic factors on his side."

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