Saban is Finally Official

The Tuscaloosa News has reported that Nick Saban's contract is finalized, official, and hilarious. Well, I added the last adjective, but he's finally the official head coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide football program. He was working pro bono before, which is so anti-Saban. It was never a worry that he wouldn't sign, and thus, not become the head coach. But I bet Tide fans are breathing a small, secretive sigh of relief at work today. It's like having your girlfriend take a pregnancy test, even though you've never bumped uglies. You still have some relief.

Some highlights from the news story about the contract:

"The eight-year contract guarantees Saban $32 million unless he quits or is fired for cause."

Let's see here. The University of Alabama likes to fire head football coaches. Nick Saban likes to quit. Alabama + Saban = 90% chance of a firing or resignation. Silly clauses.

"As for endorsements of companies that sponsor Crimson Tide athletics, 'Saban shall not be required to personally endorse or promote in a commercial manner the use or purchase of any product or service,' according to the contract."

Makes sense, because Saban doesn't have time for this shit.

"'I've only done two in my career, one at Michigan State and one at LSU' Saban said."

And he didn't have time for that shit then, either. He doesn't have time for any kind of shit. He's shitless, if you will. He signed a contract to make a boatload of money and to be devoid of shit in his life. Then again, living in Tuscaloosa ... well, nevermind.

Good for Alabama, good for the fans, good for Nick Saban. I just doubt Alabama will need all $32 million they've signed on for.